Curried Acorn Butternut Squash Soup

 

Slightly sweet and spicy… Hearty and extremely easy to make.  Great for the winter season.  And most of all… this soup freezes well.  So you’ll always have soup whenever you feel like having some.

What you need…

What to do…?

Wash acorn and butternut squash under cold running water. And roast in a preheated oven at 375°F for 1 hour.

Cut both squashes in half.

Scope and discard the seeds. And scope out the flesh and place in a bowl.

Heat a large stew pot.  Saute onions, ginger and garlic.   Then add the green curry paste.

Add the can of coconut milk.

Add the 2 cans of chicken broth.

Bring to a boil.

Add the squash.  Stir and bring to another boil. Cover and simmer for 10 minutes.

Mash with a potato masher or blend with a hand held blender. Cover and bring to a boil. Again, simmer for another 5 minutes.

Taste to see if additional salt is needed.  Otherwise, add freshly ground black pepper.  Stir in chopped green onions and cilantro.

Serve hot with rice and other meat dishes.

——————

Acorn Butternut Squash Curried Soup

1 medium size acorn squash– about 2 – 3 pounds

1 medium size butternut squash – about 3 – 4 pounds

3 TBSPs. olive oil

1 medium size onion – chopped

2 TBSPs. finely chopped young ginger

4 large cloves garlic – minced

1 – 3 TBSPs. green curry paste

2 (14.5 ounces) cans low sodium chicken broth

1 (13.5 ounces) can Chaokoh coconut milk

½ – 1 tsp. coarse sea salt

Pinch freshly ground black pepper

3 stalks green onion

¼ cup chopped cilantro

Preheat oven at 375°F.

Line a heavy duty baking sheet with aluminum foil.

Wash acorn and butternut squash under cold running.  With a fork or a serrated steak knife, prick both squashes in the different in several areas – all around.

Line a heavy duty baking sheet with aluminum foil.  Place both squashes in the pan and bake for 1 hour.

Remove and cool.  Split both squashes in half.  Scope the and discard the seeds.  Scope the flesh and place in a large bowl.

Heat a large, 4 quart stew pot.    Add olive oil.

Sauté onions, ginger, and garlic until onions are translucent.  Add curry paste and sauté for a few minutes.

Add coconut oil.  Stir until curry paste is incorporated.  Add chicken broth.  Bring curried liquid to a boil.  Add acorn and butternut squash.  Stir and bring to another boil.  Reduce heat and simmer for 10 minutes.  Mash the squash in the pot with a potato masher or hand held electric blender.  Taste to see how much salt is needed.  Add freshly ground black pepper.  Cover and simmer curried squash for another 5 minutes.  Add chopped and green onions and cilantro.  Serve hot. With rice and other meat dishes.

Tess Kitchen Secrets:

Green curry paste is hotter than red curry paste.  So start with 1 tablespoon.  You can always add more later once the chicken is cooked.  The 3 tablespoons of green curry paste I used here makes this chicken curry very spicy!  But my husband likes his curry this way. So here’s the scale of hotness in this curry, based on how the number of tablespoons of green curry paste you use on a scale of 1 – 10:

1 tablespoon = 4 (good average heat)

2 tablespoons = 7 (hot, a little medium heat)

3 tablespoons = 10 (superhot)

This soup can be divided into small portions and frozen.  When ready to enjoy the curried soup, simple take out a portion and leave in the fridge overnight.  Microwave for 2 – 3 minutes and serve.

Enjoy and Happy Cooking!

Tess

 

 

Shrimp Scampi Pasta – A 15 Minute Meal

Another dish that is 15 minutes or less.

I had a bag of shrimps that’s been setting in my freezer for couple of weeks that I needed to get rid of.  And I wanted to use it for something easy and quick.  Not only easy but also flavorful.  So I decided on shrimp scampi.  Shrimps cooked in skillet with olive oil.  Or a combination of butter and olive oil.  For which only took less than 15 minutes to make.  Including the pasta.

For some, Shrimp Scampi is great during the summer time.  But who says you can’t eat it during winter…?  Food is food, right?  Especially if I’m hungry.

Anyway.

Here’s what you need to make this easy, simple and quick meal.

Shrimps. Generously seasoned with sea salt and freshly ground black pepper.

Garlic. Peeled and minced.

Olive oil. I prefer to use extra light olive oil for sauteing and roasting.

White wine.  That is if you have any.

This was an after thought.  Because the ones I’m showing you here, I did not use wine.  And it tasted just as good.

Spinach.  Washed and ready to cook.

Again.  This is optional…

Pasta.  You only need one box…

And Parmesan Cheese.  Again Optional.  I didn’t use it for myself.  Not that I don’t want to.  Because I would have LOVED to… but I have to avoid dairy whenever possible.  Unless I want to physically punish myself… then I ate dairy.

Anyway.

Here’s how I put these ingredients into a delicious meal…

Get a large pot and fill it with water.  About 3/4 full.  And then add 3 teaspoons kosher salt.

Bring water to a boil and add 2 teaspoons olive oil.

Add pasta to boiling water and cook al dente.  About 7 minutes.

Strain water from pasta just seconds before adding it the shrimps.

*** While the pasta was boiling, I was also cooking the shrimps. ***

 

Heat a large skillet and add olive oil.

Saute garlic until light golden brown.

Add seasoned shrimps.

Cook shrimps until pink.  About 5 minutes.

*** If using white wine.  This is the time to remove the shrimp to a platter.  Then you pour 1/2 cup of white wine and allow it to boil.  You then add the shrimps back into the skillet.  Stir.***

Add the spinach, if using.

Stir until wilted.  about 1 – 2 minutes.

Add the cooked pasta.

Stir until pasta and shrimps are well combined.

Serve Shrimp  Scampi Pasta with freshly grated Parmesan cheese.

~~~

Shrimp Scampi Pasta

(Serves 4 people)

1½ pound of peeled shrimps

1 tsp. coarse sea salt

½ tsp. freshly ground black pepper

4 cloves garlic, minced

3 – 4 TBSPs. light olive oil (or a combination of butter and olive oil)

½ cup white wine (optional)

4 cups (packed) spinach (optional)

16 ounces pasta – cooked separately

Freshly grated Parmesan Cheese (optional)

Season the shrimps with salt and black pepper.  Set aside.

Fill a large pot with water.  Add 3 tsps. Kosher salt and bring to a boil.  Once boiling, and 2 tsps. Olive oil.

Boil pasta for about 7 minutes – one minute before al dente.  Strain water from the pasta just right before adding it to the shrimp.

Heat a large skillet and add olive oil.  Add the garlic and sauté until light golden brown.  Add the seasoned shrimps and sauté until pink.  About 5 minutes.  Remove to a platter.

Pour white wine into the skillet and bring to a boil.  Add back the shrimps.  Stir.  And then add the spinach if using.  Stir until spinach is wilted.

Add the pasta and mix.  Taste for additional salt and or black pepper.

Top each serving with freshly grated Parmesan cheese.  And a slice of lemon on the side.

Tess’ Kitchen Secrets

#1 – Buy raw and peeled shrimps to save time.

#2 – Cook pasta simultaneously with the shrimps.  So that when the pasta is cooked, I was ready to mix it with the shrimp.

#3 – Strain the water from the pasta just seconds before mixing it with the shrimp.

Enjoy and Happy Cooking!

Tess Harris

Sauteed Rice Noodles (Pancit Bihon)

Pancit Bihon or sauteed rice noodles is one of Filipinos most popular dishes, in addition to lumpia.  Noodle dishes such as this has been introduced to us by Chinese immigrants.  One of the most common and popular dishes served  in parties and family celebrations.

Pancit, just like any other Filipino dishes, is not spicy.  But in our home, I usually make them hot and spicy to please my husband.  He won’t it eat any other way.  He thinks Filipino foods are bland and therefore not very fond of them.   I really can’t argue with him on that.  He is right.  Most Westerners considered Filipino dishes bland, as compared to the dishes in the neighboring countries.  Which is one of the reasons I seldom cook Filipino foods.  Thus reflecting a limited number of Filipino recipes posted in this blog.  He prefers  Thai and Chinese foods.  Thai foods because of all the hot chilies and peppers in it.  And Chinese foods because I can make them spicy and still taste outrageously good.

I don’t cook pancit often.  But I crave them once in a while.  And this week is one of those weeks where I have to have some pancit.

Here’s what you need to cook pancit:

Rice noodles.  Two packages, 8 ounces each.

Noodles need to be washed under cold running water. Water drained and noodles set aside.  This process will soften the noodles.

16 ounces of pork, sliced.  I kept some of the fat for more flavors.  Seasoned with 1/2 tsp. kosher salt and 1/4 tsp. ground black pepper.

16 ounces shrimp.  Peeled and deveined.  Seasoned with 1/2 tsp. kosher salt and 1/4 tsp. ground black pepper.

vegetables…

sliced and chopped…

and garlic… smashed, peeled and chopped.

Heat a large skillet or wok over medium high heat.

Add two tablespoons cooking oil.  Sorry.  I cheated here.  I used pork fat I had rendered few days ago, for more flavor.

Add red onions and green onions.  Stir fry one minute.  Add celery and cabbage.  Stir fry until cabbage turns bright green, about 2 minutes. Remove to a large platter.

Green beans stir fried in one tablespoon oil. Stir fried until green beans are wilted. And remove to the same platter with other stir fried vegetables.

Stir fried the shrimp until pink.  Remove to the same platter with the stir fried vegetables. (Sorry, I forgot to take a pic with this process…)

Add the remaining 2 tablespoons of oil and stir fry the garlic and hot peppers.  That is if you are using hot peppers. Be careful.  Hot peppers are going to be strong on the sinuses.

Add the pork to the wok.

Stir fry pork until golden on the edges.  And then add the sliced tomatoes. Stir for about 2 minutes.  Tomatoes should be slightly cooked with the pork and to the point of disintegrating.

Add 3 1/2 cups chicken stock or water to the wok.

Add fish sauce and soy sauce to the wok.  Bring pork and chicken stock mixture to a boil.

Add stir fried vegetables to the wok.  Stir and keep boiling.

Add the stir fried shrimp.

Add the washed, softened noodles. Stir until combined well.  Reduce heat to medium low.  Keep stirring the until the noodles absorb most of the liquid. And the noodles are tender but not too soft. Turn off heat.

Done and ready to serve!

Sautéed Rice Noodles (Pancit Bihon)

Serves 6 – 8 people

2 – 8 ounces package Rice Noodles or Pancit Bihon

16 ounces boneless pork – sliced

16 ounces shrimp – peeled and deveined

1/3 medium green cabbage

8 ounces fresh green beans

2 celery ribs – chopped

1 medium onion – sliced

4 stalks green onions – chopped

6 cloves garlic – smashed, peeled and chopped

6 – 8 fresh hot chilies (optional)

2 roma tomatoes – sliced

6 TBSPs. cooking oil divided

4 TBSPs. soy sauce

4 TBSPs. fish sauce

3 ½ cups chicken stock or water

1 tsp. kosher salt – divided

1 tsp. freshly ground black pepper divided

½ tsp. ground hot pepper (optional)

Wash rice noodles under cold running water.  Drain water and set aside noodles.

Season sliced pork with ½ tsp. kosher salt and ¼ tsp. black pepper.  Set aside.

Season shrimp with ½ tsp. kosher salt and ¼ tsp. black pepper.  Set aside.

Heat a large wok and add 2 tablespoons oil over medium heat.  Saute onion and green onions for one minute.  Add celery and cabbage.  Stir fry for another two minutes.  Remove to a large platter.

Add another tablespoon cooking oil.  Stir fried green beans until welted, about 5 minutes.  Remove to the same platter with the rest of the stir fried vegetables.

Add the another tablespoon of cooking oil and stir fried the shrimp until

pink.  Remove to another platter and set aside.

Finally, add the remaining two tablespoons cooking oil.  Add garlic and whole hot peppers, if using.  Stir fry until garlic is golden.  Add pork and stir fry about 4 minutes.  Add sliced tomatoes to the pork.  Stir a few minutes.

Turn the heat to medium high.  Add the soy sauce and fish sauce to the pork.  Quickly stir to coat the pork.  Add chicken stock and bring pork to boil.  Once boiling, reduce heat to medium low.  Cover wok and simmer pork for 3 minutes.

Add the platter of stir fried vegetables and shrimp to the simmering pork and stock.  Add the remaining ½ tsp. ground black pepper and ground hot pepper if using.

Turn the heat back to medium and bring the whole mixture to boiling.  Add the rinsed rice noodles.  Stir noodles, pork and the vegetable mixture, until well combined.  Keep stirring until most of the liquid is absorbed and noodles are tender but not overcooked.

Serve hot.  This dish is served by itself or with other Asian dishes.  Serves as a snack, a full meal.

Serve noodles with a small slice of lemon, squeezing the juice over the noodles.

NOTE: This recipe serves a party of 6 – 8 people.  Please cut the recipe in half if only serving a few people.  Left overs can be refrigerated and warmed in the microwave.

Also.  As for the vegetables, you may not include what you do not like and replace them with what you like.

Tess’ Kitchen Secrets:

#1 – By stir frying the vegetables, individually, as shown, keeps them from getting overcooked.   Thus, keeping them crunchy.

#2 – By also stir frying the shrimps also keeps them from getting overcooked and rubbery.

#3 – Chicken stock enhances the flavor of the noodles.

#4 – An equal amount of fish sauce and lemon juice drizzle over the noodles upon serving, is suggested if additional seasoning is needed for the noodles.

Enjoy and Happy Cooking!

Tess Harris

Life Is A Game That No One Wins – Life As a Tragedy (Part 1)

What happens between life and death is simply a game.  And in this game, no one really wins.  Because in the end, we all lose.

One of the rules in negotiation, according to Roger Dawson, is “You have to be willing to walk away.”  So, if you are not willing to walk away.  You should never ever try to negotiate.

But how do you negotiate with life?

You don’t. I don’t.  We can’t.  No one can!

Life ends, sooner or later.  No matter what we do to preserve it.  To take care of it.  To cultivate it.  It still dies.  It ends.  And there’s no happy ending.  Life simply ends.

Marcelina died from an auto accident.  She was driving to her U.S. mail delivery route that Tuesday morning when her truck swerved and fell into a deep ravine.  In a small town in the state of Oklahoma.  Her truck got stuck in one of the trees while her body fell down the river.  She was only 35.

She had dreams.  She was driven.  She eventually wanted to go back home to the Philippines and open a hardware store.

She took the postal service test several times before she passed and eventually landed her the job.  She liked money.  She liked the security her job had to offer.  And the idea of having a good retirement income when she hits retirement age.  And most of all, she liked to be away from home.  She had no children to ground her.  To keep her home.  So working for the U.S. Postal Service was an ideal job for her.  It allowed her to be around other people.

Few years before, while we were still living in Jacksonville, Arkansas, we spoke on the phone several times and she was sharing with me her hilarious experience working the drive through for McDonald’s.

“Oh, Tess.  You don’t want to work for McDonald.  People yell at you.  They’re mean! Especially when I couldn’t understand what they are saying and I had to have them repeat their orders. They’d just start yelling.  So bad.”

“You what?  You worked for McDonald’s?  Why would you do that?”

“I was bored.  And I thought maybe working for McDonald’s would be fun.  You know… besides, it was a good experience.”

“Ahh, I don’t think I could do that.  No way!  I don’t like people yelling at me.  I have thin skin.  When someone yells at me, my first response is to yell back.”

And we’d laugh and laugh.  Remembering our college days.

I met her during my sophomore year in college.  We were in advertising and Spanish classes together.

She was married to an American man 25 years her senior.  She lived a comfortable life with her husband.  She drove a car, while I walked and took Jeepneys to school.  She owned two large homes.  She lived in one, and rented the other.  And her dream was to open a hardware store.  She thought she could make a lot of money with a hardware store.

One day, after class, she invited me over to her house.

“I make a really good Lasagna.  Why don’t you come with me and I’ll show you how to  make it.  It’s good.  You’ll see.” Lasagna.  I’ve never had some before.  I didn’t cook either.  My boyfriend’s maid, Vangie, did all the cooking.  I just ate and went to school.

So off we went.  I hop into her her brand new, white Mitsubishi Lancer and drove to her house.

She showed me around her well decorated house.  With custom draperies. The well manicured lawn.  Her brother is her landscaper.  And her older sister her her maid.

In the Philippines, it is a typical of Filipino-American household to employ the wife’s siblings and relatives.  They become the drivers, the yard boys, and the maids.

We hang out for a few hours that day.  My boyfriend (now my husband),  was away that week, to another country.  As he always was.  He was gone 285 days out of 365 days every year.  So I didn’t have to rush home.  It was a good visit.

She told me more about herself and her husband.

“You know my husband is very strict.  He has rules that I must follow.  Like in the bedroom.”

Not sure if I was showing it, but I was beginning to feel uncomfortable.  When people starts sharing their personal secrets to me, I start to feel embarrassed.  I am a prude.  And there’s no way you are going to hear me say personal stuff like that.  But I looked her in the eyes to convey my interest and continued to listen.

“Yeah.  You know… he likes for me to go to bed, every night,  naked.  No exception.  If I have anything on.  He gets mad. “What I tell you about going to bed!” He’d yank my clothes or anything I have on and throw them on the floor.”

I was thinking, OK… that’s a little bit too much information for me!

But what came out of my mouth was…

“Wow!  Really?”

“I don’t think I could go to sleep, every night, naked.  I’ll catch a cold.  Or get a stomach ache.  No way!  I need to have my clothes on.  Being naked, while trying to get a good night sleep, is never going to work for me!”

“I know.  Sometimes I get so cold.  But that’s how he likes me to sleep with him.  So I just do it.  But when he’s not here.  I do what I want!” her face brightened with a light cackle.

Hmmm.  I thought that is weird.  I am 20 and naive.  But I don’t think I could do it.  That’s probably why I am a loser in life.  I don’t like being subjected to rules.  I don’t like being caged.  I don’t like for someone to dictate my every move.  As much as I like comfort and money, if I am subjected to all sorts of rules.  Forget it.  I will walk away.  I’d rather be poor.  Besides, being poor is nothing new to me.  I have been poor growing up. I’m sure I can adjust back into that type of life.  I won’t like it.  And it’s probably going to take a while for me to get used to being very poor again.

And I might even regret it.

While living poor, I might even wish I could just put up with someone bossing me around.  Subjecting me to rigid rules and disciplines.  But there’s one thing know about myself, and I don’t know myself that well.

I am stupidly stubborn and pig-headed.  If I don’t like something, I will not put up with it for long.  I leave.  I go do something else.  The only thing that I committed my life to up to now, is my marriage, my husband and my son.  I have dumped everything else.

“Because you never live in reality!  If you do, you’d think otherwise.” My husband yells at me to reiterate his point.

“And that’s why you’re a loser. You have no sense of responsibility and commitment.  You’re not willing to commit on one thing for a long period of time.  And then having people know and vouch for you because they’ve known you for twenty or more years!” And he reminds me of this whenever the situation arises.  Hoping that this will eventually penetrate into my rock hard head.

My response is, and always is – yeaaahhh whateeeveeer!  F*ck you! Yelling back like a rebellious teenager.

But, he is right.  I just don’t believe in subjecting myself against something I no longer enjoy doing.  I don’t like living life like a zombie.  Alive and walking but dead inside.  I don’t think that’s the way to live.  Though I can’t lie.  There are moments when I feel like that.   Alive like a zombie.  Hollow inside.  Confused as to why am still alive.

No, I didn’t have all the materials things Marcelina and all my other friends possessed.  I blame my stupidly stubborn feelings.  And I wasn’t willing to pay the price.  Besides, I wasn’t wise and clever enough.  I am naive about life. And don’t take too many chances.

There’s one thing I admire about Marcelina.  She used her head.  Not her feelings.  She knows what she wanted and was willing to pay the price.  Her husband is old. Much older than her.  And if she plays her card right, she’ll have it all in the end. Or will she…?

I can tell that she hated some of those rules.  Her husband imposed on her.  But her husband provided very well for her.  She liked owning two homes, and driving a brand new car.  So his rules are just minor inconvenience to achieving what she wanted in life.

Her husband’s adult children did not like her.  Which can be expected.  She was 25 years younger.  She was their own age.   And they were sure of one thing – she married him for his money.  Why else, right?  I don’t know.  Maybe.  From what she told me, I can only guess that because of their age difference, she longed to be with someone younger.  In fact, in one of our conversations, she was telling me of a man at work who likes her.  A lot.

“Oh Tess.” Giggling like a teenager.

“I met this guy at work.  He is one of the big bosses, who regularly visits our facility.  He’s given me his American Express card! He said I could go shopping and buy whatever I want.”

“Wow! Really?” With shock and surprise in my voice, and thinking… but what about your husband?  Does he know?  Why would this guy give you his credit card and urged you to go shopping, and buy whatever you want…?

I was confused.  I couldn’t understand why.  Like I said.  I am naive.

I don’t know the extent of their relationship.   I just listened to her.  I really didn’t ask a lot of questions that’s could potentially embarrass her or me.

But she stayed married to her husband until that fateful day.

Like I said.  Marcelina used her head.  Not her feelings.

I didn’t find out about her death until over a year later, when I received a letter from a woman, in Oklahoma.  A woman I didn’t know.

Several years ago, I had a tradition of writing letters and sending out cards during the Christmas holidays.  So when her husband received my letter, she passed it on to one of Marcelina’s friend.  I guess it was too painful for him to sit down and write me a few lines himself.  I met him once.  So I never really knew him.  And he probably knew me only through all the letters and cards I sent his wife.  If that.

It must have been too painful to recount all over again how his beloved wife died.  How sad.  He was 60 when his wife died.  I don’t think he’s ever imagined outliving his wife.

Marcelina.  To her, life was a sport.  It was  a game.  She was determined to become a winner of that game.  But fate intervened.  She couldn’t control it.  It became her ultimate enemy.

~~~

I have never cooked Lasagna.  Never.  Not even since my friend Marcelina showed me how.  I don’t know why.  Maybe because most of what I cook is for my husband and son; based on what they like.  They’ve never ask for Lasagna.  So I never cooked it.

But my husband likes meatballs.  Especially with his spaghetti sauce.   And these meatballs are versatile.  You could serve them with a simple tomato sauce over spaghetti noodles.  But my favorite is the Classico Tomato & Basil Sauce.  After baking, I allow the meatballs to simmer in the sauce.  Then, they’re perfect to serve.

Oh… you could also bake several batches and freeze them.  So you can have meatballs whenever you need them.

Easy Meatballs

1½ pound lean ground beef

6 or 8 medium size green olives – finely diced

4 cloves garlic – smashed, peeled and finely chopped

¼ medium onion – finely diced

1 stick celery – finely diced

1 TBSPs. Worcestershire sauce or soy sauce

½ cup plain bread crumbs

1 large egg

1 tsp. dried oregano

2 tsps. kosher salt

½ tsp. freshly ground black pepper

____

26 ounce Jar Classico Tomato & Basil Sauce.

____

Preheat the oven to 400°F.

Line a large baking sheet with aluminum foil.

In a large mixing bowl… combine all the ingredients (except the Classico Tomato & Basil Sauce) and form into balls.

Place meatballs on the baking sheet and bake in a preheated oven at 400°F for 25 – 30 minutes.

Pour the Classico Tomato & Basil Sauce into a medium size sauce pan.  Heat over medium heat until boiling.  Reduce heat and add the baked meatballs.  Simmer for 10 – 15 minutes.

Serve meatballs over spaghetti noodles or over a toasted Italian bread.  Also great as appetizer.

Meatballs in Classico Tomato & Basil Sauce

Here i sauteed one medium onion (chopped), one green bell pepper (seeded and chopped) and 8 ounces of sliced mushrooms.  And then i added the a jar of Classico Tomato & Basil Sauce.  Simmered it while waiting for the meatballs to get done.   Once the meatballs are cooked, i add them to the sauce and simmer for 10 – 15 minutes before serving.

Meatballs over spaghetti noodles, topped with Parmesan cheese.

Tess’ Kitchen Secrets:

#1 – It is easier to form the meatballs using a rounded soup spoon.  (Pour 2 tablespoons of oil into a small bowl.   Deep the spoon in the oil  - coating it inside and out.  And shake off excess oil from the spoon.) Also, grease both your hands.  It’s even better if you wear “exam gloves” to avoid your hands from getting dirty.  Grease your gloved hands so the meat won’t stick.

Scope a spoonful of the meat mixture.  Place it in your palm and roll counter clockwise until a ball is formed.  Repeat the same process until all meat mixture are rolled into balls.

Occasionally dip the spoon into the oil, while continuing to make meatballs.

Enjoy and Happy Cooking!

Tess Harris

The Road to Healing is Uncovering the Scars from Years Past…

“You were an abused child just like me!” Willie would tell me in one of our discussions.

“No, I was not! My parents did not constantly beat me.  I remember getting beat only twice and that was my fault so I deserved it…” I’d reply.

I never considered myself being abused as a child.  To me, abuse is being physically beaten whenever you make a mistake, do something wrong or say something bad.  I was disciplined and controlled simply by looks… My father was master at this.   Whenever I did something he did not approve, he would tilt his head and shot me a dark, fierce look – as dark as the heavy storm waiting to unleash its fury.  I wouldn’t dare cross those stares.  I wasn’t so sure whether I would come out alive if I dared to.  There were two occasions where I blindly crossed these boundaries.  I said blindly… because I sincerely did not  know what the repercussions were.

I was about 8 years old, left alone to care for my two younger sisters: Elsa, three years old and Ale two.  My parents and my two younger brothers were at the farm, 10 miles away… they left at sunrise that morning and are not expected to be home until early that evening.  At around 11 o’clock in the morning, an old lady acquaintance, I should call her Mrs. Teofilo came…

“Helllooo… ? Anybody home…? A cracking voice outside.

I ran to the door…and stared at the lady… eying her from head to toe.  I saw her before.  She’s from the barrio.

“Is your mom and dad home?” said the old lady, while looking at me.

“No.  They’re away.  They’re at the farm.” I replied.

“What time are they going to be home?” asking me as if she has something urgent to discuss with my father and mother.

“I don’t know.  They usually come home before dark… but, I’d go get them if you watch my little sisters….” I told the old lady.

She sat down by the door, on the bamboo floor and look me straight in the eye… her dark eyes fixed on mine.  She looked around the room and fixed her eyes on my sisters, who were both on the floor playing… she said…

“OK… I’ll watch your sisters while you go get your mom and dad” the old lady assured me.

“OK.” I answered without hesitation and much thought.

I left with much gusto.  I ran across the shallow river… Walked up the hill… hopped and skipped along the way… kicked a few rocks ‘till I reached the farm…

My mom was cooking something for lunch when I announced my presence…

“Nanay! whew… I’m tired. What ya cookin’…? Looking to see what’s in the pot…

Nanay shot me a quizzical and confused look.  “Where are your sisters?” she asked worriedly.

“Ummm… there’s Mrs. Teofilo at the house and she wants to talk to you and dad…” I managed to say while catching my breath.

“You mean, you left Elsa and Ale with a stranger!!!?” My dad came out of nowhere, yelling.

“Well… we know her, Mrs. Teofilo… she’s from the barrio. And she wants to talk to you and mom…” I answered nervously.  By the sound of my dad’s voice I know I was in BIG trouble.

“Stop what you’re doing Vicenta! Jojo! Artem! Get your stop and carry a few bunches of firewood.  We need to go right now!…  Let’s go…!!!”

My dad lead the way… He walked real fast and so were almost running just to keep up with him.  He did not say another word.

My mom was behind me and she kept talking:

“Tessie… why did you leave your little sisters?  What if that old lady takes them away…? What if she gives them to the people that drive the windowless white van… and dump ‘em under the San Juanico Bridge? Why did you left them?”

“But mom… Mrs. Teofilo said she’ll watch them.  She said it’s OK…” I tried to reassure her.

“You know… your dad is very angry right now.  I don’t know what he’s going to do…”

I didn’t say another word.  I kept walking and thinking what’s going to happen to me.  I was trying to guess what my dad is going to do to me.  Is he going to chop me into pieces with his long knife…? Is he going to kill me…?  Or is he just going to spank me… ? I don’t remember getting physically punished before.  I got yelled at.  And I’ve been scared and would shiver in fear whenever he got drunk…

I admitted to myself that what I had done was bad.  My mom was right.  I shouldn’t have left my sisters with that old lady.  But I really wanted to go to the farm.  I always hated being left alone at the house with my little sisters.  We had no neighbors.  The closest barrio is 20 miles away.  I was very scared whenever I was left home.  I’d start crying along with my little sisters when darkness starts to creep in and my parents are still nowhere in sight.  I sometimes wonder if they’re ever going to come back.  What if they don’t come back?  What’s going to happen to me and my little sisters?  It’s already night time… What if there’s a witch out there…? Whoa-hoo-hoo-hoo. We’d cried in chorus.  We’d huddled in the corner and cried… until our parents came home that evening…

Finally we arrived home.

Thank god that old lady did not take my little sisters.  She, the old lady was still sitting in the same spot – by the door, when we got back.

My dad went over to talk to her.  I don’t remember what they talked about.  But she left half and hour later.  And right when she left, my dad pulled a ten foot rattan stick and started peeling the shiny outer skin off it and told told me to go fetch some water.

I did.  The stream was about half a mile away.  I took two plastic gallons and filled them with water.  When I got back, my dad was braiding a five foot whip out of the rattan he had pulled.  I knew what the whip was for.  So I asked my mom what should I do…?

“You do nothing.  You sit there until you father talks to you…” mom advised.

When my dad finished with the rattan whip… he motioned for me to come to him. “On the floor!  Lay down on your stomach… arms on the side!”

I nervously obliged.  I was wearing a short cotton dress that day and my bare legs were exposed… perfect for the rattan whip –  half inch thick and five foot long with a solid five inch handle.

I did something very bad – leaving my little sisters with that old lady and my dad wanted to teach me a lesson – to never ever do it again…

“YOU DON’T… EVER… leave your little sisters…” Weeepppoww!  As he delivered the hardest blow unto my legs with the whip.

“NEVER… EVER… leave your little sisters…” Weeepppoww!  Another blow…

He whipped my legs five more times, while I kept my face down on the  floor.  When he landed his 7th lashing… I took a quick glimpsed at my legs and saw tiny lines of blood dripping from each lashes.  There was not a drop of tear in my eyes when I looked up at my father.  He looked at me with dark, turbulent eyes… piercing through mine…

Because I did not cry… to him… this was a sign of defiance.  NO… NO… NO… He can’t have a defiant daughter!  I must break… I must submit.

He took a step towards his very sharp, well tended long knife… but before he could pull it out of its wooden case, my mom jumped him…

“Please… Felix… DON’T!”

“She is just a little girl… PLEASE… PLEASE…” My mom was crying and begging for my life…

This was my first and worst physical punishment that I can vividly remember.

The second time I was physically punished was when I accidentally dropped and broke a glass bottle that held one of the stones that was part of a series of his “medicine water bottles.”  In a swift response, he delivered a forceful fist unto the back of my head… in front of several  people.  This time I was 10.  I was ashamed and humiliated… which was more painful than the pain I felt in my head…

My half older brother got it far worst that I did…

My mom had two sons with her first husband.  The youngest one died and so she had an eight year old boy when she met my dad.  His name is Benny.  Mano Benny (older brother), I called him.  I remembered when he was 13 years old and started to get beat… a lot.

My dad would order him to take the water buffalo down the water hole so it could drink some water.  But he wouldn’t do it right away.  He gets sidetracked with his friends playing with elastic rubber bands called “pinetek.”  A game where two or three boys agree to bundle equal amounts of elastic rubber bands.  And then each one would take turn in flicking the bundled rubber bands with their index finger, until one by one a rubber band would come loose.  Mano Benny was so enamored with this game that he’d completely forget what dad had told him to do… or maybe he just decided to have fun first and then work later…

Two hours would pass by and my dad would come looking for him, wondering why he hasn’t come home… And the he’d catch him… Not only he hadn’t done what he was told to do… but he’d be occupied with other boys playing games.

So… my dad would drag him home.   He’d tie his feet together with a 10foot rope; tie the rope up on the tree in front of our house, leaving Mano Benny’s body hanging upside down.   While hanging upside down… my dad would punch him several times in the stomach… He’d cry and beg.  “Please dad… I’m sorry.  I won’t do it again… Please… I’ll do what you want me to
do…”

Mano Benny would be good for a whole week.  Before he repeats the same infraction again… and again… and again.  And he’d get beaten the same way, again… and again… and again…

As a little girl… I never understood why he never learned a lesson.  I’d watch him get hanged upside down and beaten… and I’d felt sorry for him.  But what could I do?  Besides… I thought, he was being hard headed.  He did not do what he was told to do, that is why my daddy beat him.  I didn’t know how my mom felt about this… about her first born son getting severely beaten by her husband.  But I did not see her stop my dad.  And I think I know why.  She believed that it was my dad’s duty to discipline Mano Benny and her role is to support her husband and not contradict him.

We weren’t allowed to play when we were growing up, and that’s because there was plenty of things to do in the farm.  On weekends we went to the farm to sow corn, plant sweet potatoes, cassava, and other root crops.  During summer, we’d go up the mountain and make ‘copra’ or worked as hired “rice worker.” We had once planted rice in a muddy rice field, with mud rising up to our waistline.  We were all very young.  I was 11 while my younger brother was 10, and my cousins were 13 and and 11 whom my dad adopted.  Here in America… you call this child labor.  In the Philippines and in other third world countries, this is called survival.  We were obligated to work and bring some much-needed money for the family.

If you read the last three blogs I posted.  You learned how abusive my childhood was though I didn’t think it was… I loved my parents.  My dad is dead but my mom is still alive.  She’ll turn 71 years old in next month.  I don’t hold much resentments for my parents.   My true feelings are pity and sorrow.  I felt sorry for them.  I always say: it’s not their fault.  They didn’t know.  They tried their best in raising all of us… My dad was illiterate.  My mom only finished fifth grade, the most educated in her family.   They were both raised in the same ignorance and abusive environment…

For almost 40 years… I was in denial.  I will never admit to being abused as a child.  I didn’t think I was abused.  At least not regularly, physically.  That’s just how life was.  We were poor and poor people do all sorts of damn, stupid things.  But abuse, I later find out, not only comes in the form of physical but also psychological and emotional and this type of abuse far worst than the physical… It permeates into the far reaches of our minds and soul…

~~~

Chicken Soup For the Wounded Soul

Cooked Chicken and Stock:

2 large chicken breasts – with skin and bones

3 medium size carrots – cut into 2 inch chunks

3 ribs celery – cut into 2 inch chunks

3 large jalapeno peppers – stems removed and cut in half – crosswise

1 medium onion – outer skin peeled and cut into quarters

Half a garlic head – cut in half, crosswise

3 stems fresh parsley

1 teaspoon whole black pepper corns

1 bay leaf

1 tablespoon coarse Celtic sea salt

6 cups filtered water

Wash chicken breast under cold running water and place in a large pot.

Wash all vegetables and cut as directed above and add to the pot.  Add black pepper corns, bay leaf and sea salt.  Add six cups filtered water or enough to cover the chicken and vegetables.  Bring the chicken to a boil over medium heat.  Reduce and simmer for 45 minutes.

Remove chicken and cool.  Removed the skin and tear chicken meat off the bones.  Discard the bones.  Tear chicken into bite chunks.  Set aside.

Strain the broth and discard the vegetables.  Place the broth in a large clean pot and make the soup below.

The Soup:

Chicken Broth (from above) – six cups or more

Cooked chicken chunks – to be added last

1½ cups small macaroni noodles

3 medium size carrots – peeled and sliced into thin rounds

3 celery ribs – sliced into thin round

1½ cups fresh or frozen cut green beans

¼ – 1/2  tsp. freshly ground black pepper

¼ – 1/2 ground hot pepper – optional

½ – 1 tsp. Celtic sea salt or to taste

Bring the chicken broth to a boil.  Add the macaroni noodles, carrots, celery and green vegetables.  Reduce and simmer until noodles and vegetables are cooked and tender, about 12 – 15 minutes.  Add ground black and hot pepper.  Taste if additional sea salt is needed.

Divide chicken chunks into four to six portions and place them in individual soup bowls.  Scope the soup over the chicken.  Serve hot.

NOTE: I do not like overcooked chicken in my soup and that is why I do not boil it in the pot along with the noodles and vegetables.  Instead I place enough chicken chunks in a soup bowl and add the soup and then serve.  This soup has a clean, refreshing taste to it.  Perfect to eat for lunch or dinner.  I even eat it for breakfast.

SHORT CUT: If you are short on time, you could just buy a canned or boxed chicken broth or stock instead of making your own as I have shown above.  And you could also buy a whole roasted chicken at the grocery store.  And then make the soup as directed on the recipe.

Enjoy and Happy Cooking!

Tess