Roped, Saddled and Tamed

Here I am… still awake at 7 in the morning and have nothing to post.  I am empty handed…

I had a whole week to think about what I was going to post today.  But all of my ideas lead me nowhere.  I managed to write a 1500 word easy on one subject: divorce, which took  me several hours.  I cited examples using several couples we knew – including family and friends who have gotten divorce, but it didn’t feel right.  So in the end, I decided to stash it somewhere -  for my eyes only.

Sometimes… writing comes easy when I write from the heart.  But there are times when my mind wants to run.  It wants to do whatever it wants to do, other than what it needs to do.   It acts like a wild horse that needs to be roped, saddled and tamed…

So I decided to just post something… something I have cooked hundreds of times before and one of my husband’s favorite Chinese food – Hot Pepper Beef.  I have made many improvements since I first cooked this dish and posted the recipe over three years ago.  So I thought I’d be nice to share it with you…

As with most Chinese dishes… there are certain things you’d have to do to get the same results that Chinese restaurants do.  They use specific techniques like blanching marinated meats in hot oil… and stir frying at a very high heat.

I’ve adopted some of those techniques in this recipe.  It is a bit time consuming to do, especially if I am doubling the recipe… but my husband loves Hot Pepper Beef so I cook this for him at least once every two weeks…  It’s better to prepare this dish if you have an extra time to spare… maybe on Friday nights…

NOTE:  If you do not or cannot eat hot and spicy foods… simply omit all the hot peppers from the marinade and the sauce.

New and Improved Hot Pepper Beef

Ingredients:

• 2 pounds top sirloin steaks
• Marinade – see below
• 1 large red or yellow onion – cut into bite sizes
• 1 large green bell pepper – seeds removed and cut into bite size pieces
• Sauce – see below

Step 1: Marinating the Beef

• 2 pounds top sirloin steaks – sliced thinly into 1 x 2 inch strips
• Marinade:
• 3 TBSPs. medium dry sherry or rice wine (I use white wine if I don’t have sherry or rice wine in stock)
• 3 TBSPs. Soy sauce
• 1 tsp. kosher salt
• 1 tsp. baking soda
• ½ tsp. ground black pepper
• 1 tsp. ground hot pepper – use according to your ‘heat’ tolerance
• ¼ tsp. msg (optional)
• 3 TBSPs. Cornstarch + 3 TBSPs. Water
• 4 cups vegetable oil for blanching

Wash the steaks and squeeze off excess liquid.  Slice them into 1 x 2 inch thick strips.  Place in a large glass or ceramic mixing bowl. Set aside.

In a separate bowl, combine medium dry sherry, soy sauce, salt, baking soda, ground black and hot pepper and msg.  In yet another small bowl, combine cornstarch and water and stir until smooth.  Add cornstarch mixture to the  marinade mixture.

Pour marinade over the beef, and mix until beef absorbs most of the marinade.

Marinade beef overnight in the refrigerator or 30 minutes at room temperature.

Step 2:  Blanching the Beef

Heat the wok and add the cooking oil.  Heat oil until  until it reaches 300°F. (I always use a candy thermometer to be sure…)

Drizzle two tablespoons of vegetable oil – not hot oil – over the steaks and toss to loosen or separate them. Divide the steaks into 4 portions…

Blanch steaks in the heated oil, one portion at a time, for about 5 – 7 minutes or until steaks turn brown but not burned.

Remove steaks with a slotted spoon or skimmer and drain on paper towels. (I use a skimmer with a bamboo handle which I bought at an Oriental store for less $10.)

Be sure to bring the oil back up to 300°F before continuing with the next batch.

Finish blanching the rest of the steaks following the same process.

Remove all, but 2 tablespoons oil from the wok.

Step 3: Making the Sauce

• 6 garlic cloves – peeled and minced
• 1 inch piece ginger – peeled and thinly sliced
• 8 – 10 fresh or dried hot peppers
• 3 stalks green onions – chopped
• ¾ cup soy sauce
• ¾ cup water
• 3 TBSPs. brown sugar
• 2 TBSP. dry sherry or white wine
• 1 tsp. ground hot pepper (or to taste)
• 1 TBSP. Cornstarch + 1 TBSP. water

Combine soy sauce, water, sugar, sherry, hot pepper, and cornstarch in a medium bowl. Whisk until sugar and cornstarch are dissolved.

Using the same wok… heat two tablespoons oil and sauté the garlic, ginger and hot peppers, and green onions for a few minutes or until garlic turns light golden brown and hot peppers dark red.

Stir the sauce and pour over the sautéed garlic, ginger, hot pepper and green onions.  Bring the sauce to boil over medium high heat, while stirring constantly.

Reduce heat to medium and add the blanched beef into the sauce. Stir until beef are coated well with the sauce. Reduce heat and simmer steaks for 5  minutes.

Stir in the onions and bell peppers.  Stir until combined well with the beef and coated with the sauce.

Remove wok from the heat and serve.

Serve hot pepper beef with rice or egg noodles.  (Cook egg noodles as directed on the package.)

Tess’ Kitchen Secrets:

#1:  Marinate the beef overnight – in the refrigerator.  Marinating tenderizes the meat.

#2: Baking soda and msg are good tenderizers

#3: Blanching the marinated beef at 300°F until brown or caramel in color

#3: I grind my own hot peppers.  I buy dried hot peppers from Asian stores; which usually comes in a plastic bag.  First I put them in a blender to grind them coarsely and to break up whole pieces.  Second, I grind them again using a Cuisinart Coffee Grinder into a finer powder.  My Cuisinart Coffee Grinder is only used for grinding spices.

The beef should look like these after they have been blanched in hot oil.

Hot Pepper Beef – the finished product.

Enjoy and Happy Cooking!

Tess

Let It Go!

“Mom! Just throw them away.  We bought them and it served its purpose.  Now it’s time to let them go.  If we need them… we’ll buy them again!”

We closed out Ramon’s apartment in Tulsa three weeks ago.  I did not want to rent and drive a U-Haul truck or rent a pick up truck for that matter.  I figured… if we rent a pick up truck… are we really saving some money or are we spending more?

I did a comparison.

A regular pick-up truck rental alone, would have cost us around $400  with insurance plus gas.  A 10’ U-Haul truck would have cost the same + gas.  I don’t think I could drive a U-Haul truck for 7 or more hours.  Imagine how slow that would have been?  No way.  Besides, I have never driven a U-Haul truck before and I don’t think I’m going to risk my life doing it.

And how much are the stuff in Ramon’s apartment we’re trying to bring back home?  Probably $800 worth of stuff, including his books he considered useless.  He lived smart and on bare minimums while in Tulsa.  Our original plan was to rent furniture.  But then he had a better idea.  So… instead of a computer desk, we bought two conference tables – plastic folding tables from Office Depot.  The cost? $130.00.  He said:

“You know what mom.  I was reading about this guy who reviews bed for a living.  He sleeps in an air bed.  He said ‘air beds’ are comparable to real beds that are more expensive.”

So he opted for a $70 queen air bed.  I don’t agree that it’s better than the $900 Serta Mattress.  But it’s still better than sleeping on the floor.

We bought an office chair, again from Office Depot.  Plastic folding chairs from Sam’s Club, TV trays and other miscellaneous items he needed.  All these we can get rid of when he finish school.

So… my best option was to just drive Ramon’s car – a small compact car and load whatever we can in it.  Everything else must be thrown away.  This is easier said than done.

When it came time to throwing things away… I had a very difficult time.  I physically felt ill throwing perfectly good things in the dumpster.  I know… I should have called Goodwill or Salvation Army and arranged for pick up… and in fact I had.  But they are never available on short notice.

So I had no choice but to throw 98% of that was in his apartment.

My son, Ramon looked at me in frustration whenever I told him…

“Don’t put that in the dumpster.  Just put that on the side so people can take it.  Put a sign on it that says I’m Good Take Me.”

I was to the point where I wanted to knock on people’s door and say:

“Hi… we are moving and we have all these things…  and they’re in perfect condition!  Could you please take them? If you don’t want all of them… just pick what you want and what you can use.  Please!  Please… don’t let me throw them away…”

My  son thought I was a nut.  He was like…

“Mom… this is America.  You don’t do that here in America.  You’re going to insult people if you do that!”

“But Ramon… look at these.  Those tables… people could use that.  What about those chairs… we paid $28 for each of those.  They’re good and sturdy.  They can use that.  What about these…?”

It’s been three weeks… I still feel bad about throwing all of those things.  I physically get sick to my stomach thinking about all the things we threw away.  I remember how poor I was as a child.  Very poor.  We scavenged anything useful.  Even plastics that shore up on the beach.  So all the things we threw away?  They’d be considered luxury items!

“Mom… com’on, mom.  It’s OK.  You’re not in the Philippines anymore.  You’re in America… Let it go… Let it go…!”

~~~

That night… my husband, a good husband that he is, let us stay at the Marriott Hotel and ate room service…

Marriott Hotel… a nice five star hotel in Tulsa.  Though i didn’t like their towels.  There weren’t thick and soft like they should have.  I can’t believe how cheap their towels were! (That’s Ramon… resting after a grueling day of emptying his apartment.)Cream Brulee.  I already took a bite… but decided to take a pic anyway.  I skipped lunch that day and was starving… I dove right into the entree, a Cedar Plank Salmon with Champagne Mashed Potatoes.  Just when I took the last bite is when I remember that I should have taken a picture.  I was too busy eating.  Ramon ordered corned beef sandwich (i think), fries and fruit sorbet.  Again… I was too busy eating that I forgot to take pictures. Shame on me!  He ordered two more desserts after that – another fruit sorbet and cream brulee before going to bed.

We woke up the next day, checked out… and drove back home…

After almost 7 hours of driving… I was too tired to cook anything fancy.  So I decided to make Salisbury steaks.  But when I got home… I didn’t have everything i need so i had to improvise.  What i made what sort of Salisbury Steaks… with mushroom gravy.  It was surprisingly good.

Salisbury Steaks with Mushroom Gravy

1½ pound ground beef (90% lean) – use good, quality ground top sirloin

1/3 of 10.5 ounce can cream of mushroom soup – use the rest for Gravy – see below

½ cup crushed crackers – I use Keebler Toasteds Crackers

1 large egg

1 tsp. kosher salt

½ tsp. ground black pepper

½ – 1 tsp. ground hot pepper – optional

¼ medium onion – finely diced

4 garlic cloves – smashed, peeled and minced

¼ cup cooking oil for frying

In a large mixing bowl, combine all ingredients.  Form into 8 portions and form into patties.

Heat a large non-stick skillet and add the oil.  Fry patties until cooked, about 4 minutes on each side.  Transfer to a baking sheet and keep warm in 200°F preheated oven.

Mushrooms Brown Gravy

1 TBSP. butter

1 – 6 ounce jar sliced mushrooms – drained

2 packets McCormick Brown Gravy Mix

2½ cups water

2/3 can cream of mushroom

½ tsp. coarse sea salt

½ tsp. ground black pepper

½ tsp. ground hot pepper (optional)

Heat a sauce pan and add the butter.  Saute the mushrooms until light golden brown.

Empty the packets of gravy over the mushrooms and whisk while gradually adding the water.  Keep whisking until the gravy mix dissolved.  Add the cream of mushroom.  Whisk until creamy.  Add sea salt, black and hot pepper.

Bring gravy to boil over medium heat, whisking occasionally.  Turn the heat  down to low.

Serve two patties for each person.  Drizzled mushrooms brown gravy over the Salisbury Steaks,  and with roasted potatoes or mashed potatoes.  I ate mine with rice.

Salisbury Steaks frying in the pan.  I learned to finely chopped the onions to avoid cracks on the patties.

Mushrooms Brown Gravy

Six large red potatoes…  seasoned with 2 tsps. kosher salt, 1 tsp. granulated garlic, and 1/2 tsp. of each: ground black pepper, cayenne pepper and paprika + 3 TBSPs. olive oil.

Roasted in a 375F oven for 35 – 40 minutes.

Salisbury Steaks drizzled with Mushrooms Brown Gravy with Roasted Potatoes.

Tess’ Kitchen Secret: crackers, garlic and onions.  Easiest way to crush crackers: place crackers in a large Ziploc bag. Close bag and roll a rolling pin over the bag several times until crackers are crushed to desired consistency. Or you can lightly pound the bag with a mallet until crackers are crushed.

Enjoy and Happy Cooking!

Tess

All By Himself

Nothing compares to the homemade pies made from scratch.

Nothing.

Well, OK… Fine.

I will admit to one brand.  Edward’s Lemon Meringue Pie.

Edward’s Lemon Meringue Pie is my husband’s favorite pie.  His face radiates with excitement like a little boy receiving his favorite treat each time there’s a slice of Edward’s Lemon Meringue Pie in front of him.

After all these years and countless of Edward’s Lemon Meringue pies, it never occurred to me to ask him why he loves this pie so much?  So one day, I asked him…

“So… tell me Honeyko.  Why do you love Edward’s Lemon Meringue Pie so much…?”

“On Sunday mornings, when I was a kid, my dad would go to the grocery store and buy Edward’s Lemon Meringue pie…  When he got home, he’d place the pie in the refrigerator to thaw. And then… he’d wait until that evening when the pie is thawed and ready…”

“Pie on the table… He’d slowly pull the brown oak chair… slowly wiggle his body into the chair until he is comfortable… take a deep breath and slowly pull the pie closer to him.  Fork in his hand, he slowly devours the pie all by himself.  My brother and I will be slightly hiding in the far corner, watching him… He’d eat that lemon meringue pie, bite by bite.  We gulped and swallowed our saliva each time he took a bite.”

“Did he knew you and your brother were watching…?”

“Yes, he knew…”

“And he did not offer you and your brother any?” I couldn’t believe that a parent wouldn’t share food with his kids.  Even animals shared food with their babies!

“Nope, he did not! And we didn’t ask.  If he didn’t offer us any, that means he did not want us to have some at all.  He bought that pie for himself… all for himself!”

I have never made lemon meringue pie before.  I was content in eating the store bought ones like we’ve been doing all these years.  But, I’m like a cat… highly curious and always patting my paws on things.  Of course my OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder(self diagnosed) also helps a great deal.  I don’t leave things well enough alone.  Not a good thing sometimes.  My
husband hates it when I keep changing and altering recipes he liked, even when thinks I have perfected it.

Two years ago, few days before Thanksgiving, I decided to try my hands on making my own lemon meringue pie from scratch.    I was very surprised how my first lemon meringue pie came out unbelievably delicious.  The filling had a perfect balance of sweetness and tartness.  We quickly gobbled it up in one day.  So… I had to make another one for Thanksgiving.

I discovered that most people shy away from making lemon meringue pies.  I found that most people make lemon meringue pie only after they have gained enough knowledge, experience and confidence in making the other types of pies.  Most people’s fear lies on the very temperamental meringues… and keeping the crust from being soggy once it’s filled.

“Making a pie is the ultimate test of a good cook, it shows technique and heritage,” according to Susan Westmoreland, food editor of Good Housekeeping Magazine.

For those of you who are avid fans of Food Network’s Emeril Lagasse, Alton Brown or Tyler Florence… they are very specific on their instructions:  keep the mixing bowl oil and lint free… or the egg whites are not going to expand… have the egg whites at room temperature before beating… so you can be assured of volume…

For me… is not so much the fear of making the meringue… but rather simply that it just did not occur to me to make it myself…

Nostalgic Lemon Meringue Pie

1 Prebaked Best Pie Crust Ever – see recipe below
4 ginger snaps (cookies) – crushed

Spread the crushed ginger snap cookies on the bottom of the prebaked pie crust. Set aside.

Lemon Custard Filling:
1¼ cup granulated sugar
6 TBSPs. Cornstarch
¼ tsp. kosher salt
1½ cup cold water
1/3 cup fresh lemon juice (about 3 small lemons)
5 large egg yolks, well beaten
2 TBSPs. Coconut oil or unsalted butter
1 tsp. pure vanilla extract
1 TBSP. Lemon zest

In a 4 quart sauce pan, combine sugar, cornstarch and salt using a whisk.

Turn the heat to medium.

While whisking the sugar and cornstarch mixture, gradually add the cold water. Stir in the lemon juice.

Blend in the well beaten egg yolks.

Keep whisking the mixture until it comes to a full boil.  Boil for 3 minutes or until thick in consistency.

Remove pan from the heat and stir in the coconut oil or butter until well incorporated with the lemon custard. Add the vanilla extract and grated lemon zest. Whisk until well blended.

Pour lemon custard into the prebaked pie crust, while still piping hot.  Set aside while you make the meringue.

NOTE:  Before beating the egg yolks and blending into the cornstarch mixture… remove the chalazae – a white fibrous cord on each end of the yolk that stretches through the whites. This white cord prevents the yolk from bumping against the shell. And this white cord is a bit chewy when cooked and I definitely do not want this in my lemon custard.

For the Meringue:

Cornstarch paste:
1 TBSP. cornstarch
1 TBSP. granulated sugar
½ cup water

In a small sauce pan, combine cornstarch and granulated sugar. Gradually add the water and stir until cornstarch and sugar dissolve and form into a runny paste.

Turn the heat to medium.

Keep stirring the cornstarch mixture until it starts to boil and form into a clear slightly thick paste. Cover the pan and remove from the heat.  Set aside while you make the meringue.

The Meringue:

5 large egg whites, at room temperature
½ tsp. cream of tartar
½ tsp. vanilla extract
Zest of 1 small lemon (about 1 tsp.)
¾ cup granulated sugar

Wash the mixer bowl with hot soapy water.  Rinse thoroughly and shake water off the bowl.

Place bowl in the electric mixer and attach the wire whisk.

Add egg whites and beat on high speed until foamy.

Add cream of tartar and vanilla extract.  Continue beating on high speed until soft peaks form – about 2 minutes.

Gradually add the sugar, while the mixer is running on medium speed.  Beat on high speed again until peaks are firm and glossy, but not too dry. (This will take about 1 minute.)

Reduce the speed to low and add the cornstarch paste, one tablespoon at a time.  Beat on medium speed for another 15 seconds.

Adding the cornstarch paste to the meringue reduces shrinkage and will keep the meringue from collapsing.

Spoon the meringue over the hot lemon custard, slight pressing the meringue to make sure it is touching the custard and crust and also filling any gaps.

If you do not like too much meringue… you may only use half or three fourths of the meringue to cover the lemon custard.

Use the back of the spoon to create an attractive design on the meringue.

Bake in a preheated oven at 400°F for 7 – 10 minutes or until golden brown.

Remove pie from the oven and cool completely on a wire rack.  This will take about 3 hours.

Refrigerate overnight before serving.

Best Pie Crust Ever

(Yield two pie crusts)

Crust:

3 cups all purpose flour

1 tsp. salt

1 cup coconut oil or vegetable shortening

1 large egg

1 tsp. vinegar

2 TBSPs. Cold water

Combine flour and coconut oil or vegetable shortening. Blend with a pasty cutter until mixture resembles coarse sand.

Beat the egg, vinegar, and cold water  to gether. Drizzle over the flour mixture.  Stir with a fork until the dough is a little sticky, but not gooey.

Divide the dough in half and form into large balls.  Place each ball, separately in a large ziploc bag.  Flatten each ball into a round disk and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes.

While waiting for the dough to chill…

Lightly grease the glass pie pan or pans, if you are baking more than one pie, with a nonstick spray, butter or coconut oil.  I usually grease the glass pie pan with 1 tsp. coconut oil.  I use a pastry brush to spread the oil on the bottom and sides of the pan.

Remove pastry dough from the refrigerator. Work with one dough at a time.

Lightly rub flour on the rolling pin.  Roll each dough into a 12 inch circle.

Lightly rub flour on the rolling pin again and carefully wind the circle of dough with the rolling pin.

Unroll the dough, loosely, over the glass pie pan. Then carefully press the dough into to the bottom and sides of the pan. Trim excess dough that hangs over the pan, leaving about ½ inch.  (If the dough tears while unrolling and or pressing the dough on the pan, simply use the excess dough to patch any tears or holes.)

Crimp the edges by pressing it with a fork or pressing it with your finger.

Using a fork, prick several holes on the bottom and sides of the crust.

Prebaking the Pie Crust for the Lemon Meringue Pie or other single crust pies:

Preheat oven to 425°F.

Line the pie shell with either one of these:  parchment paper, waxed paper or aluminum foil.  Fill the shell three quarters full with dried beans.

Bake pie shell in the preheated oven at 425°F for 10 minutes.  And, then reduce the heat down to 350°F and bake for another 10 minutes.

Remove the faux filling – dried beans and the lining from the pie shell.

Return the pie shell into the oven and bake for another 10 minutes or until light golden brown.

Remove crust from the oven and cool.

The crust is now ready for filling.

Enjoy and Happy Cooking!

Tess

The Road to Healing is Uncovering the Scars from Years Past…

“You were an abused child just like me!” Willie would tell me in one of our discussions.

“No, I was not! My parents did not constantly beat me.  I remember getting beat only twice and that was my fault so I deserved it…” I’d reply.

I never considered myself being abused as a child.  To me, abuse is being physically beaten whenever you make a mistake, do something wrong or say something bad.  I was disciplined and controlled simply by looks… My father was master at this.   Whenever I did something he did not approve, he would tilt his head and shot me a dark, fierce look – as dark as the heavy storm waiting to unleash its fury.  I wouldn’t dare cross those stares.  I wasn’t so sure whether I would come out alive if I dared to.  There were two occasions where I blindly crossed these boundaries.  I said blindly… because I sincerely did not  know what the repercussions were.

I was about 8 years old, left alone to care for my two younger sisters: Elsa, three years old and Ale two.  My parents and my two younger brothers were at the farm, 10 miles away… they left at sunrise that morning and are not expected to be home until early that evening.  At around 11 o’clock in the morning, an old lady acquaintance, I should call her Mrs. Teofilo came…

“Helllooo… ? Anybody home…? A cracking voice outside.

I ran to the door…and stared at the lady… eying her from head to toe.  I saw her before.  She’s from the barrio.

“Is your mom and dad home?” said the old lady, while looking at me.

“No.  They’re away.  They’re at the farm.” I replied.

“What time are they going to be home?” asking me as if she has something urgent to discuss with my father and mother.

“I don’t know.  They usually come home before dark… but, I’d go get them if you watch my little sisters….” I told the old lady.

She sat down by the door, on the bamboo floor and look me straight in the eye… her dark eyes fixed on mine.  She looked around the room and fixed her eyes on my sisters, who were both on the floor playing… she said…

“OK… I’ll watch your sisters while you go get your mom and dad” the old lady assured me.

“OK.” I answered without hesitation and much thought.

I left with much gusto.  I ran across the shallow river… Walked up the hill… hopped and skipped along the way… kicked a few rocks ‘till I reached the farm…

My mom was cooking something for lunch when I announced my presence…

“Nanay! whew… I’m tired. What ya cookin’…? Looking to see what’s in the pot…

Nanay shot me a quizzical and confused look.  “Where are your sisters?” she asked worriedly.

“Ummm… there’s Mrs. Teofilo at the house and she wants to talk to you and dad…” I managed to say while catching my breath.

“You mean, you left Elsa and Ale with a stranger!!!?” My dad came out of nowhere, yelling.

“Well… we know her, Mrs. Teofilo… she’s from the barrio. And she wants to talk to you and mom…” I answered nervously.  By the sound of my dad’s voice I know I was in BIG trouble.

“Stop what you’re doing Vicenta! Jojo! Artem! Get your stop and carry a few bunches of firewood.  We need to go right now!…  Let’s go…!!!”

My dad lead the way… He walked real fast and so were almost running just to keep up with him.  He did not say another word.

My mom was behind me and she kept talking:

“Tessie… why did you leave your little sisters?  What if that old lady takes them away…? What if she gives them to the people that drive the windowless white van… and dump ‘em under the San Juanico Bridge? Why did you left them?”

“But mom… Mrs. Teofilo said she’ll watch them.  She said it’s OK…” I tried to reassure her.

“You know… your dad is very angry right now.  I don’t know what he’s going to do…”

I didn’t say another word.  I kept walking and thinking what’s going to happen to me.  I was trying to guess what my dad is going to do to me.  Is he going to chop me into pieces with his long knife…? Is he going to kill me…?  Or is he just going to spank me… ? I don’t remember getting physically punished before.  I got yelled at.  And I’ve been scared and would shiver in fear whenever he got drunk…

I admitted to myself that what I had done was bad.  My mom was right.  I shouldn’t have left my sisters with that old lady.  But I really wanted to go to the farm.  I always hated being left alone at the house with my little sisters.  We had no neighbors.  The closest barrio is 20 miles away.  I was very scared whenever I was left home.  I’d start crying along with my little sisters when darkness starts to creep in and my parents are still nowhere in sight.  I sometimes wonder if they’re ever going to come back.  What if they don’t come back?  What’s going to happen to me and my little sisters?  It’s already night time… What if there’s a witch out there…? Whoa-hoo-hoo-hoo. We’d cried in chorus.  We’d huddled in the corner and cried… until our parents came home that evening…

Finally we arrived home.

Thank god that old lady did not take my little sisters.  She, the old lady was still sitting in the same spot – by the door, when we got back.

My dad went over to talk to her.  I don’t remember what they talked about.  But she left half and hour later.  And right when she left, my dad pulled a ten foot rattan stick and started peeling the shiny outer skin off it and told told me to go fetch some water.

I did.  The stream was about half a mile away.  I took two plastic gallons and filled them with water.  When I got back, my dad was braiding a five foot whip out of the rattan he had pulled.  I knew what the whip was for.  So I asked my mom what should I do…?

“You do nothing.  You sit there until you father talks to you…” mom advised.

When my dad finished with the rattan whip… he motioned for me to come to him. “On the floor!  Lay down on your stomach… arms on the side!”

I nervously obliged.  I was wearing a short cotton dress that day and my bare legs were exposed… perfect for the rattan whip –  half inch thick and five foot long with a solid five inch handle.

I did something very bad – leaving my little sisters with that old lady and my dad wanted to teach me a lesson – to never ever do it again…

“YOU DON’T… EVER… leave your little sisters…” Weeepppoww!  As he delivered the hardest blow unto my legs with the whip.

“NEVER… EVER… leave your little sisters…” Weeepppoww!  Another blow…

He whipped my legs five more times, while I kept my face down on the  floor.  When he landed his 7th lashing… I took a quick glimpsed at my legs and saw tiny lines of blood dripping from each lashes.  There was not a drop of tear in my eyes when I looked up at my father.  He looked at me with dark, turbulent eyes… piercing through mine…

Because I did not cry… to him… this was a sign of defiance.  NO… NO… NO… He can’t have a defiant daughter!  I must break… I must submit.

He took a step towards his very sharp, well tended long knife… but before he could pull it out of its wooden case, my mom jumped him…

“Please… Felix… DON’T!”

“She is just a little girl… PLEASE… PLEASE…” My mom was crying and begging for my life…

This was my first and worst physical punishment that I can vividly remember.

The second time I was physically punished was when I accidentally dropped and broke a glass bottle that held one of the stones that was part of a series of his “medicine water bottles.”  In a swift response, he delivered a forceful fist unto the back of my head… in front of several  people.  This time I was 10.  I was ashamed and humiliated… which was more painful than the pain I felt in my head…

My half older brother got it far worst that I did…

My mom had two sons with her first husband.  The youngest one died and so she had an eight year old boy when she met my dad.  His name is Benny.  Mano Benny (older brother), I called him.  I remembered when he was 13 years old and started to get beat… a lot.

My dad would order him to take the water buffalo down the water hole so it could drink some water.  But he wouldn’t do it right away.  He gets sidetracked with his friends playing with elastic rubber bands called “pinetek.”  A game where two or three boys agree to bundle equal amounts of elastic rubber bands.  And then each one would take turn in flicking the bundled rubber bands with their index finger, until one by one a rubber band would come loose.  Mano Benny was so enamored with this game that he’d completely forget what dad had told him to do… or maybe he just decided to have fun first and then work later…

Two hours would pass by and my dad would come looking for him, wondering why he hasn’t come home… And the he’d catch him… Not only he hadn’t done what he was told to do… but he’d be occupied with other boys playing games.

So… my dad would drag him home.   He’d tie his feet together with a 10foot rope; tie the rope up on the tree in front of our house, leaving Mano Benny’s body hanging upside down.   While hanging upside down… my dad would punch him several times in the stomach… He’d cry and beg.  “Please dad… I’m sorry.  I won’t do it again… Please… I’ll do what you want me to
do…”

Mano Benny would be good for a whole week.  Before he repeats the same infraction again… and again… and again.  And he’d get beaten the same way, again… and again… and again…

As a little girl… I never understood why he never learned a lesson.  I’d watch him get hanged upside down and beaten… and I’d felt sorry for him.  But what could I do?  Besides… I thought, he was being hard headed.  He did not do what he was told to do, that is why my daddy beat him.  I didn’t know how my mom felt about this… about her first born son getting severely beaten by her husband.  But I did not see her stop my dad.  And I think I know why.  She believed that it was my dad’s duty to discipline Mano Benny and her role is to support her husband and not contradict him.

We weren’t allowed to play when we were growing up, and that’s because there was plenty of things to do in the farm.  On weekends we went to the farm to sow corn, plant sweet potatoes, cassava, and other root crops.  During summer, we’d go up the mountain and make ‘copra’ or worked as hired “rice worker.” We had once planted rice in a muddy rice field, with mud rising up to our waistline.  We were all very young.  I was 11 while my younger brother was 10, and my cousins were 13 and and 11 whom my dad adopted.  Here in America… you call this child labor.  In the Philippines and in other third world countries, this is called survival.  We were obligated to work and bring some much-needed money for the family.

If you read the last three blogs I posted.  You learned how abusive my childhood was though I didn’t think it was… I loved my parents.  My dad is dead but my mom is still alive.  She’ll turn 71 years old in next month.  I don’t hold much resentments for my parents.   My true feelings are pity and sorrow.  I felt sorry for them.  I always say: it’s not their fault.  They didn’t know.  They tried their best in raising all of us… My dad was illiterate.  My mom only finished fifth grade, the most educated in her family.   They were both raised in the same ignorance and abusive environment…

For almost 40 years… I was in denial.  I will never admit to being abused as a child.  I didn’t think I was abused.  At least not regularly, physically.  That’s just how life was.  We were poor and poor people do all sorts of damn, stupid things.  But abuse, I later find out, not only comes in the form of physical but also psychological and emotional and this type of abuse far worst than the physical… It permeates into the far reaches of our minds and soul…

~~~

Chicken Soup For the Wounded Soul

Cooked Chicken and Stock:

2 large chicken breasts – with skin and bones

3 medium size carrots – cut into 2 inch chunks

3 ribs celery – cut into 2 inch chunks

3 large jalapeno peppers – stems removed and cut in half – crosswise

1 medium onion – outer skin peeled and cut into quarters

Half a garlic head – cut in half, crosswise

3 stems fresh parsley

1 teaspoon whole black pepper corns

1 bay leaf

1 tablespoon coarse Celtic sea salt

6 cups filtered water

Wash chicken breast under cold running water and place in a large pot.

Wash all vegetables and cut as directed above and add to the pot.  Add black pepper corns, bay leaf and sea salt.  Add six cups filtered water or enough to cover the chicken and vegetables.  Bring the chicken to a boil over medium heat.  Reduce and simmer for 45 minutes.

Remove chicken and cool.  Removed the skin and tear chicken meat off the bones.  Discard the bones.  Tear chicken into bite chunks.  Set aside.

Strain the broth and discard the vegetables.  Place the broth in a large clean pot and make the soup below.

The Soup:

Chicken Broth (from above) – six cups or more

Cooked chicken chunks – to be added last

1½ cups small macaroni noodles

3 medium size carrots – peeled and sliced into thin rounds

3 celery ribs – sliced into thin round

1½ cups fresh or frozen cut green beans

¼ – 1/2  tsp. freshly ground black pepper

¼ – 1/2 ground hot pepper – optional

½ – 1 tsp. Celtic sea salt or to taste

Bring the chicken broth to a boil.  Add the macaroni noodles, carrots, celery and green vegetables.  Reduce and simmer until noodles and vegetables are cooked and tender, about 12 – 15 minutes.  Add ground black and hot pepper.  Taste if additional sea salt is needed.

Divide chicken chunks into four to six portions and place them in individual soup bowls.  Scope the soup over the chicken.  Serve hot.

NOTE: I do not like overcooked chicken in my soup and that is why I do not boil it in the pot along with the noodles and vegetables.  Instead I place enough chicken chunks in a soup bowl and add the soup and then serve.  This soup has a clean, refreshing taste to it.  Perfect to eat for lunch or dinner.  I even eat it for breakfast.

SHORT CUT: If you are short on time, you could just buy a canned or boxed chicken broth or stock instead of making your own as I have shown above.  And you could also buy a whole roasted chicken at the grocery store.  And then make the soup as directed on the recipe.

Enjoy and Happy Cooking!

Tess